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Today Dr. Elana interviews Rosanne Austin, a leading mindset coach for women ready to end their struggle with fertility. Rosanne shares her personal struggles trying to conceive and how she successfully got pregnant at age 43. She thought she had tried everything until she realized the power of mindset and took a deep look at that. On today’s episode, Rosanne walks us through how she helps coach clients in similar positions and offers takeaways for anyone who is personally struggling with infertility. She also shares ways to support friends walking through infertility.
Roseanne Austin 0:03
Our experts are not Gods but they are also a wonderful godsend. Even if we don’t necessarily resonate with one expert or we’re hearing conflicting information, we can take all that information as gifts.
Elana Roumell 0:16
Welcome back to Whole Mamas podcast. We’re here to give you tools, resources, and evidence based information so you can make the best decisions for yourself and your family. Whether you’re trying to conceive or navigating life with a toddler or a teenager, we got you covered. I’m Dr. Elana Roumell, pediatric naturopathic doctor, and creator of Med School for Moms, an online resource where I teach moms how to safely be a “Doctor Mom”, my co-host is Stephanie Guerenke, Registered Dietician and Program Director for Whole 30s Whole Mamas Club and co-creator for Whole Mamas Pregnancy program, and upcoming postpartum program.
I’m so happy to welcome our guest, Roseanne Austin, a leading mindset coach for women ready to end their struggle with fertility and be a mom. Roseanne shares her personal struggles trying to conceive and finally how she successfully got pregnant at age 43. She thought she did it all until she realized there was a huge mindset piece she never took a deep look at. Now on today’s episode Roseanne walks us through how she helps coach clients in similar positions and offers takeaways from any mom or mom to be who’s personally struggling with infertility, and we support friends who may be as well. I hope you love Roseanne as much as I did interviewing her, you will surely leave this podcast feeling uplifted and equipped with more resources.
Now before we jump into today’s episode, I like to thank our podcast partner, Rasa, founded by an actual mama in Boulder, Colorado. Rasa is a line of adaptagens coffee alternatives that can help nourish any Mama. So what are adaptagens and why does Rasa include them in their coffee blends? So adaptagens are herbs that helped antidote the stressors of modern life. Rasa’s commitment to sharing these incredible herbs with the world in the most accessible way possible. So they chose to add them to coffee and coffee alternatives. They no longer want to see moms addicted to coffee as a pick me up. Rather they want to transform this ritual into a nourishing practice each time they go for another cup of joe to aid in a busy life of being a mom and all the stressors that come with it. Rasa is an adaptagenic coffee alternative that comes in three versions, Original, Cacao and Dirty. Now original has zero milligrams of caffeine for those moms who want to enjoy a nice warm beverage without that added caffeine but still wants those adaptagens. Cacao has five milligrams of caffeine for a very mild amount of caffeine. And then Dirty has 35 milligrams of caffeine for Mamas interested in some of it. Now it’s still less than half the amount of standard cup of coffee, but there’s still some caffeine in that dirty blend. Now Rasa’s commitment is that you mamas are energized from within using more of the adaptagens to feel you then the caffeine itself. Each blend includes 12 herbs, seven adaptagens and two mushrooms. They’re all sustainable. They contain only certified organic herbs. They’re free of gluten, sugar, added flavors, or fillers. The cacao only comes from fair trade organic sources and the coffee also from fair trade organic sources from women owned and operated farms. Its whole 30 approved. And Steph and I are so excited to share this new company with you guys. Now if you want to give Rasa a shot, we have a special deal for you. Simply head over to their website, wearerasa.com spelled We ARE rasa, spelled RASA, and use code WHOLEMAMAS for 20% off. This deal is for new customers only. So while you’re there, you may want to try all three blends, and we hope you enjoy it as much as we have. Now let’s start our interview and invite Roseanne to the show.
All right, Roseanne, so nice to have you on the show. Selfishly again, I’m so excited to be able to interview such great experts around the country on different topics to share with our mama listeners. And you actually came to me because I have a patient, we have a shared client, who’s used your services and just totally raved about you. So I just knew I had to share you with the other mom listeners. And I just find that the work you do with moms is so unique and exceptional. And I just I fell in love with your story when I read it. So we’re going to dive all into what you do and who you are. But before we do, I always like to start with the “Nourish Yourself” segment. So why don’t you go ahead and tell us what you did to nourish yourself. And then we’re going to jump into getting to know you more.
Roseanne Austin 4:49
Well, thank you, Dr. Elana, I first of all want to tell you that it’s an honor to be part of this podcast. And I too am a big fan of your work. So this is really great. So how I nourished myself this morning, is really two parts. So I am a very early riser. And part of that is so that I can take care of me before I take care of the rest of the members of my household. And so I’m up every day at 5:30 in the morning doing something specifically for me, and specifically this morning that was getting myself to the gym. And I do that because it’s just a way of me making sure that mama has put her oxygen mask on first. So today it was the gym. Other days, it’s a morning practice, but today was the gym.
Elana Roumell 5:42
Oh my goodness, I can’t believe you just said this because just this morning, I thought to myself, “Elana, you have to wake up earlier!”, because I used to do my morning walks and I still do- it’s one of my favorite things to do to nourish myself is my morning walk. And I’ve realized lately, I’ve been cutting it short. And it’s because I’m rushing in the morning or I’ve been like sleeping in or I’ll get back to like text messages or emails in the morning or like Instagram DM’s, because it’s fun for me, and I enjoy doing it. But then it eats up so much time. And I was like “Elana, you can have it all -just wake up earlier.” And it’s so cool that you said that to me, because I’m actually going to now! I really want to do that. And I’m more inspired to do that. Because I think that I got in the habit in my first trimester. So I’m pregnant right now- I’m in my third trimester. And my first trimester, I was so exhausted that I just had zero choice- like I had to sleep in. So I really wanted to honor my body and do that. But then I could tell my walks got shorter, and things got more rushed. And so I want to get back into that pattern. So thank you for inspiring me, I’m going to just start setting my alarm clock earlier. And I really do appreciate that and I’m so glad you shared that. So important. Well something else I wanted to share is because I am in my third trimester, I’ve had an amazing support with my mother in law, being close by and I know that is not for everyone. I look at her like my little angel, she helps so much with my daughter Aviva. And lately she’s been asking if Aviva can sleep over, like doing sleep overs. And I’m like, “Are you sure that’s okay?” She said, “I really actually love having Aviva over she’s at this age where she’s just so much fun. And we like to snuggle together,” and some of me is like, “Whoa, I want her!”You know?! and I’m like, “I kind of miss her.” I want to keep her. But my husband is like, “You know what? Elana, once baby two comes in, we’re honestly not going to have that much free time, just the two of us. Let’s take advantage of this.” And we’re both like, “Oh my god, this is such a privilege!” So I’ve been doing that more and more. And I’ve been saying yes. And even though like initially, I don’t want to do it, I’ve been starting to feel like it’s actually really helping me like rejuvenate myself. Like the next day, I feel like more energized. I’m like, “Oh my god, I just got a morning to myself!” you know?!
Roseanne Austin 8:00
That’s like gold.
Elana Roumell 8:01
It is gold. And I know with baby two coming, that’s not going to happen for a while. And that’s okay, there’s so many great prizes to having a baby and they’re sacrificed. And that’s okay. It’s all part of the awesome game of being a mom. And I’m totally ready for the second one. And I’ve signed myself up. And I still have a few more months. So let’s just go ahead and enjoy it. And so that’s what I’ve been doing to nourish myself is say yes to my mother in law taking her and I’ve been really enjoying that. Those few nights where she is there. So I just wanted to share that with the moms.
Roseanne Austin 8:32
Oh, I love it. I love that
Elana Roumell 8:34
I love that. Thank you.
Roseanne Austin 8:34
That is inspiring in and of itself as well because think about what you just said. That was a yes. Like a yes to your mother in law is so many other peripheral and important yeses. It’s a yes to Aviva’s experience with mother in law, with her grandma. It’s a yes to your husband. It’s a yes to you and it’s a yes to the family that you’re building. It’s like this beautiful cascade of yeses.
Elana Roumell 8:39
That helps me too. And I think you’re right. Because when I said yes to her, and I even said to my husband like, “But we don’t need it. You know, like we can watch her tonight.” He goes, “Yeah, but remember, it’s more than us just needing it. First of all, you’re going to enjoy it. But second of all, we could use the intimate time.” And I was like, “Definitely. “And then the third thing is like, my mother in law loves her time with Aviva and who am I to take that away from her, especially when she’s like offering it. And even this morning when I texted her I was like, “So how did last night she go?” She goes, “It was amazing! Thank you so much!” And I was like, “Oh, I’m so happy!”
Roseanne Austin 9:38
Win win all around
Elana Roumell 9:39
Totally. And there’s a big power of No too but we talk about that a lot on other podcasts. But anyway, let’s go ahead and jump in, we have so many great questions. You know, we’ve got some great questions from our community. And then we also have just great questions that I got, because I was really inspired by your book. So you’ve got a new book out, which I just, I don’t know, I just I love the flavor, I kind of said this to you before we recorded. You’re branding and who you are like, you know, if you’re listening, Mom, go make sure to go to Roseanne’s website, or Instagram page, she’s got this like, awesome pink streak to her hair, all of her branding is just like pink and bold and beautiful. And I just am so inspired by women who really love to shine their light and be fully expressed. And I would put you in that category.
Roseanne Austin 10:23
Elana Roumell 10:23
Totally I mean, I’m really in awe of what you do. And I feel like you have a gift in a way of taking a topic of infertility and just fertility struggles, and just helping transform it so that there’s less weight and less heaviness on it. So your book, I feel like even just the way that you’ve titled your chapters and your takeaways and things like that it is much more uplifting than I’ve been able to see in some other resources. So I’m just so excited to share you with our listeners. And we may have listeners who have currently been struggling with infertility issues, they may be listening because they have friends who are struggling, or they just may be listening because they love to learn and they love resources. And so we’re going to be able to provide that for all moms. Before we really delve into your work, I just I always ask my guests, How did you get interested in this topic? I’m sure you have a personal story that got you kind of lit up with this. So can you share a little bit about that with us?
Roseanne Austin 11:22
Yes, yes, my involvement in in this work really was birthed from my own fertility experience. I was a prosecutor for almost 10 years in California. And it was during that period of time that I came face to face with my own fertility issues. And during those years, I- you know, I was so used to being you know, super Type A, lovably control-freaky very much, you know, an alpha female in my life. And I approached everything from that perspective. And when my husband and I decided that it was time for us to start our family, I figured it would just be boom, you know, we’ve made this decision, we’re going to get down to business baby, then you know, then all of the chips would fall into place. But my world came crashing down when that part of my life, which was sort of a given in my world, I kind of just expected that, “Oh, like everything else I had worked for in my life, that once I put my mind to something it’s going to happen.” And when it didn’t happen, it was literally an existential crisis for me. And so I really was searching for a long period of time on my journey. I was thinking to myself, “Look, I’m smart. I’m well educated, you know, the state of California, trusts me with prosecuting dangerous criminals. You know, why can’t I feel different? Why? Why am I so afraid? Why am I so disempowered for the first time in my life?” and I was looking for resources, I was looking for something that at the time I was living, that experience didn’t exist. So I became what I looked for. And that’s how I started this work.
Elana Roumell 13:10
I love that. You know, I so often interview guests who had to go through their own struggle in order to find their passion and their gifts to give to others. And no longer am I like fearful of challenging times, because I know we’ll just turn it into somehow a way to give back. And that’s what you did. So I think that’s so admirable and great.
Roseanne Austin 13:30
I appreciate that.
Elana Roumell 13:31
Roseanne Austin 13:32
I definitely see that my even the darkest times on my own fertility journey, it was ultimately a gift not only for me, but for the women that I serve all over the world.
Elana Roumell 13:44
And one of the things that was part of your bio that I was so intrigued by is, you know, I resonate with you, I think, because I’m also a Type A person I love, you’re saying “lovably controlling,” like, you know, you’re just in that and so you had a plan, you thought you were going to get pregnant and you didn’t. And then you just like delved into so many different therapies, from acupuncture to yoga to meditation to, you know, x, y, z, and you’re like, “But I didn’t go full out into the mindset piece of it.” And that was like, almost like you’re missing tool. Can you tell us a little bit about that, because I just, I loved reading your story about it. And I just I work with so many patients who also like overwhelm themselves with all these therapies and stuff. And yet, there could be a missing piece. So what, you know, take me a little bit through that with you.
Roseanne Austin 14:31
Yeah, so pretty much like my personality works, and like the women that I work with, we share this in common is that, you know, once I set my mind to something, it’s like, no holds barred. So and I, when I realized that I was beginning to struggle with my fertility, and that this was real, it wasn’t just a matter of waiting it out. I threw myself head on into it, like everything else. So I read everything, I did every single lotion, potion treatment, diet, you know, twisted myself into pretzels, thinking that that was going to get me pregnant, there was nothing that was out of reach, like I was simply going to do this. And, you know, I found myself, you know, at the time, my husband and I were living in Northern California, and I was driving hundreds of miles a week, to San Francisco, you know, I was going on scavenger hunts through China Town trying to find the exact breed of black chicken I was supposed to boil to make this fertility broth like, I mean, I there was nothing that was untouched, I had an African fertility idol under our bed for seven years. I mean, it was crazy. And I just figured that everything I was doing, you know that, you know, it’s just bringing me one step closer. And while it was, I realized, after years of struggle and heartache, and you know, gallons of tears that all of those lotions and potions and treatments, because we were also sparing no expense when it came to Western medicine. I mean, I was being treated at a top 10 teaching hospital. So we did not hold back. But none of those things meant anything without me. And that was a very, very important lesson. And it was a hard lesson that I had to learn in this process. And, you know, it’s really easy for us to get pulled in 1000 different directions, because for every expert that will tell you to do one thing, there is someone who will tell you to do the exact opposite. But part of me taking control of my thoughts and beliefs on this journey, and therefore transforming my results was getting to know what was right for Roseanne. And that was a question that I didn’t ask at the beginning. And this is something that you know, I go over with my clients very clearly up front is like, “Who are you, my darling? And what is it that you want?” Because I had one of my clients telling me that one of the practices that she was told to do was drink molasses three times a day. And I was like, “What? I never even heard of that.”
So many of us when we’re struggling, we just want a solution. And we don’t ever really stop until things get really cray cray to to say to ourselves, “Well, wait a second, what do I want and what is right for me.” Because, you know, there’s a there’s a sense of you know, I’m not doing it all if I’m not doing everything. But the point is, is that you don’t have to do it all You just have to do the right things for you. And that can make all the difference.
Elana Roumell 17:35
I love this so much. I’m so glad you’re speaking like this. And I honestly, I am so happy in a sense that you went through this because you can empathize with so many other women who are really just, they’re starving for the solutions. And you were there You did it. And I love these stories with Chinatown and even the molasses. I mean, it is true for every expert, you’re going to get something and another expert is going to is something different. And I know that very well, because I’m an expert as a doctor. And it’s so true. I hear patients coming in all the time saying, “Well, my other doctor said this and you’re saying this?” And it’s like, “Yeah!” because we’re all individuals, and we all have different experiences. And so we’re not God. Let me remind you that, okay, we are still coming from an experience, and this is what we think is best for you. But the end of the day, you have to do what’s best for you. So I love that belief. Can you give us an idea of how long it actually took you to get pregnant? Because the great thing is you did get pregnant, you got pregnant, right at the age of 43. Is that right?
Roseanne Austin 18:36
Yeah, actually, I got pregnant twice. And so the lead up and all of this and really what led me to, to teach and mentor what what I do in the world, is when I finally realized that the missing piece was me. And I started working on that. And I started building those muscles. And I started transforming my thoughts and beliefs. Because when I, you know, I looked at the way that I was living my journey, like I basically hit rock bottom. So I had learned I mean, I’ll never forget it. I it was a day that I got a verdict in one of the most important cases in my prosecutorial career. And I later that day also got the verdict in for my last IVF treatment that it had failed. And I just remember being in my office, leaning back against the wall and just feeling the cold wall on my back. And feeling like my world was crashing, like around me. Everything was falling apart. Because here I was working so hard to help protect my community, I was working so hard with my husband to build this family. And I really felt like there was nothing to show for it. All I had were these negative thoughts telling me that I was too old, I was worthless, I was less of a woman because I was struggling with something that is so biologically basic, that I realized that amongst all of the organic foods, all of the pristine lifestyle choices I was making, I had eliminated chemicals of all kinds from my home, I was taking these Epsom salt baths, I was working on my past lives like I was, I was doing all of this cleansing. But I when I looked at the way that I was thinking about myself, my prospects, and my self worth, it was frightening. It was an absolute, disparate situation. So all of these things I was doing physically were amazing. But what was going on inside of me was toxic. And when I looked back on it, it became abundantly clear to me, No wonder I wasn’t getting pregnant. I didn’t believe to my core that I was worth it. I didn’t believe that I was worthy of being happy. I mean, I just uncovered all of these terrible things. And so when I started working on that, I immediately saw a change in how I went about my day, the choices that I made, the experts that I kept on board, because let me just make a point that you know, relating to something you said earlier, you’re right. Our experts are not gods, but they are also a wonderful godsend that, you know, even if we don’t necessarily resonate with one expert, or we’re hearing conflicting information, we can take all that information as gifts, and then we can move forward with those experts that resonate with us. So part of me taking control of what I thought and believed helped me cultivate the most amazing bump squad, I had to change what I thought about me, I had to change what I thought about my entire approach. So I changed my thoughts not only about myself, but on the way that I would curate my team. And literally Dr. Elana, I was pregnant within weeks after making that change. It was with our last frozen embryo transfer, you know, the all the doctors, you know, at the hospital, were looking at me sideways, nobody wanted to be, you know, no one knew what to say, because I was that problem case. And I was pregnant for the first time. And what was different was me, undeniably, and so when I saw that, I was like, “Oh, my gosh, there’s something to all of this!” And so I just threw myself into the study, I left my work as a prosecutor, I, you know, I went and got my coaching training, and I began to obsess over over mindset and the power of mindset. And I began to look and there’s so much anecdotal and scientific evidence for the proposition that when you bring the power of mind and body together, you’re unstoppable. And I believe I saw that again, in myself, you know, I was beginning to heal, because I didn’t carry that pregnancy term. And I knew that I had shifted my mindset, because, as you can probably imagine, after years and years, years and years of fertility treatments, miscarrying, you know, on the very last set of embryos that could have put anyone in a mental hospital. But I was able to recover from that and be like, “No, this is my body telling me that she’s in the game.” And by making that shift, I was able to, to really recover from that and, and then I began teaching other women, what I learned, and I saw incredible results in their lives. And my clients were getting pregnant, left and right. And I was like, “Oh, this thing does work.” And then ultimately, I got pregnant again, when the timing was right. And my husband and I were ready, naturally, at 43. And…
Elana Roumell 23:40
You didn’t even need IVF for that second one?!
Roseanne Austin 23:42
No, no. And that was the thing is like it really like, after serving so many women globally with what I learned and creating the methodology that I teach. And I was working at myself, and, you know, some of the best times were being able to not only celebrate my clients pregnancies, but my own, you know, it was really great. And so, you know, and I didn’t have any evidence to believe, after so many years of fertility treatments, and so many years of failures, that that was even possible to me. I mean, for me, but what I had, at that point, was my belief, because medicine had run its course for me, there was nothing more that they could do. And so it was just me, my husband and my higher power. And I said, “Let’s do this.” And, and we did it.
Elana Roumell 24:33
Oh, that’s so inspiring. Thank you for sharing your story, because I know that it can inspire so many other women. And I have to tell you, you know, our shared patient, so because I only know a sample of one she herself has been through now four miscarriages. And when I talked to her, she’s one of my favorite patients, because her mindset is so inspiring. She’s like, “It’s okay. I’m going to get my baby- like we’re not giving up, let’s keep on going.” And I just get the chills, like who are you working with? Like, this is incredible. You know, she came to me, I think with three miscarriages and then she got pregnant under my care. And then she did miscarriage and I was in tears. And she wasn’t even crying. I was the one “crying and she goes, “It’s okay. You know, like, we’re going to get through this, you know?” and I’m like, Oh my gosh, thank you so much for believing in yourself because I do believe you’re going to get pregnant.” And she goes, “Oh, I know I’m going to!”
Unknown Speaker 25:29
Hey, Mama, Dr. Elana here to quickly remind you that you can safely be a doctor mom. We all want the best for our children. And as a mom, you are automatically your child’s number one health advocate. I’ve created guidebooks and video courses to teach you how to feel calm when your child is sick, how to be competent, using integrative medicine tools, and how to feel confident knowing when it’s time to visit your doctor. Or when you can safely treat your child’s from home your yourself. Head over to “medschool formoms.com” forward slash whole mamas, and start watching my free mini course where I teach you the mindset, medicine and mastery of being a doctor mom. While you’re there, check out my favorite pediatric and mom approved medicines I use with my patients. I’m always updating my favorite products. Staying up to date is my job so you don’t have to do it. Now join our village of supportive mamas visit medschoolformoms.com forward slash whole mamas, so you can make confident decisions about your family’s well being. We love helping moms become Dr. Moms. Now let’s get back to today’s episode.
Elana Roumell 26:39
So this is how I got so interested in your work. And so it sounds like you really do make a difference for these women based on your coaching methods, but also your own personal experience. And I think it’s beautiful. Can you give me some examples of some other women who also work with you? So this one tends to have recurrent miscarriages and who else is gravitated to working with you?
Roseanne Austin 27:02
It’s it’s really interesting because yes, there are you know, they all have different circumstances from advanced maternal age, PCOS, endometriosis, premature ovarian failure, I mean, all kinds of stuff. And what’s interesting is this, the unifying theme amongst all of them is they’re super professional. Like I said, lovely Type A control freaky, “I want this,” you know, they are women who really have fire within them. And they’re absolutely committed to being moms. So I’ll give you one example. I mean, my coaching practice is full of physicians, lawyers, nurses, teachers, I mean, just women from many, many different disciplines. And they’re all united in this “Hell yes!” that they want to say, to being a mom and the client that we have, you know, shared, she is truly one of my favorites, I just, I just tell her all the time, I’m like, “I want to shrink you down. And like, I want to put you make you a little doll and carry around in my pocket, because I love you so much!” And, you know, and but we attract the kind of people that we are, right? I mean, it’s that we resonate in the same way. So it doesn’t surprise me that, you know, you and I would have a shared client, because we’re just cool. But, you know, one of my other favorite clients, she’s a physician, and she had premature ovarian failure. And she was literally having hot flashes, they were basically telling her that she was also going into early menopause. And she had a less than 10% chance of getting pregnant, naturally, or, frankly, otherwise, unless you use donor eggs. And when she came to me, she’s like, “Look, Roseanne, this is, you know, because of my personal beliefs. And you know, my family, and my husban IVF is just not an option. And I have I know, in my soul that I am going to be a mom at some level, but I need your help. Because I you know, I don’t have any reason to believe.” So when she came to me, I said, “Okay, great, you know, there are going to be certain things that you’re going to go to other experts to take care of your body. Let’s work on your mind, baby! Because when you are facing the kind of obstacles that you’re facing, your mind has to be right.” And so we started working together, and she started implementing that what I was teaching her. And literally, I mean, the changes that we started to see in her were incredible. Now she had a couple setbacks because she started having hot flashes again. But when she really dug her heels in and really claimed what it was that she wanted, and she you know, as a physician, it would be very easy for her to be seduced into the statistics and the prognosis she was given and all this studies and data and all this other stuff. But she had to keep saying “YES!” And she came to a retreat that I did in Healdsburg, California in 2018. And we did more work. And we’re like, you know, “Look, we’re going to go for this.” And you have to believe to your core that this is going to be you that you will be the woman that beats the odds. And about two months later, pregnant naturally, after less than 10% chance. And this woman took a stand for getting pregnant and doing it her way. Because there was nobody else that was there supporting her and believing that she could do this naturally. And it was just incredible to see that metamorphosis and, and also now I miss, she sends me all of her, you know, she’s texting me pictures of her belly. And she’s actually in the homestretch getting ready to have her baby. But what was interesting is also seeing the way she changed as a woman. And ultimately, the way that the change in her is going to impact how she parents
Elana Roumell 31:06
Oh, no question.
it’s just, it’s just incredible.
And that’s actually why I love that you said that I love the work you do. Because it is so important for us moms to have this type of internal work. Before we get pregnant, during pregnancy, as a mom, I mean, there’s so many stages of this that are only going to benefit our offspring, that this work is just so important. So I think it’s just great. And yeah, you’ve worked with so many different types of people. So thanks for sharing that. I I just think it’s so inspiring. I mean, I’m not necessarily struggling getting pregnant. I’m pregnant right now. But I would hire you just because I think it’d be fun. Right? I mean, there’s just like, so many cool things to look at, right within ourselves that could create obstacles in in many other places in our life. And I think for some women, women who struggle with fertility, it shows up as that whereas maybe for others, it shows up in the workplace, or it can show up in I don’t know, the bedroom, it could show up in any area, right? I mean, there’s gonna be something so why not look into it? It’s almost like the body’s sign that, “Hey, you know, we need to put some more attention to this.”
Unknown Speaker 31:08
Oh, yeah, absolutely. I mean, because ultimately, our bodies speak for us. And you know, if you have some self fulfilling prophecy going on in the background, and a set of beliefs that are literally going to block you from what you want, yeah, your body is going to, you know, your body is of you is going to connect with your mind. And the two are going to work together. And sometimes it’s not a good thing.
Roseanne Austin 32:30
No, no question. We want to get control that
Elana Roumell 32:33
Yeah, I want to share personal experience that I had a miscarriage before my first child. And I remember immediately after I had the miscarriage, the thoughts that came through were very negative. They were, you know, blaming myself, how could this happen, I thought I was healthy, what did I do wrong. And then I quickly caught that and said, “If I start taking these thoughts seriously, I won’t be able to get pregnant again.” So I, I just immersed myself into therapy. And I went right into having to really work on that mindset, because I also knew deep down, I was meant to be a mom. And so it just the timing wasn’t right in that time. And in all honesty, I now can look back and now that I had that successful birth with my daughter, Aviva, I just keep on looking at her and I say, “You were the first child that I was supposed to have.” And if I did carry through and not have that miscarriage, I wouldn’t have had Aviva, you know, they would have been physically impossible, I would have had the other baby and been nursing other baby and I couldn’t have had Aviva. And she’s the right person for our family, she chose us. And so I just find I look for the gifts in any challenging time. And I’m actually happy that I went through it simply so I can empathize with the numerous number of patients who have miscarriages, and the numerous number of patients that do have infertility struggles, because you’re not alone. I mean, we’ve all been there. Whether you’re at the peak of health or not, it’s not you. It’s just that there may be that missing piece that we’re still trying to discover whether it is on a physical level, or whether it’s on a mental level, there’s there are experts out there helping and so I hope that that it does inspire you guys to know that there are resources- Roseanne being one of them and other experts being others. So now I really want to jump into your book, if you’re okay, I loved it, I did get a chance to read every word. I know I you only sent it to me so recently, but I mean, I just was like so excited to have this. And I’m so excited, you’re going to be sharing your book with our listeners. So I’m going to put that in the show notes. So that listeners also have access is very generous of you. Thank you.
Roseanne Austin 34:40
Absolutely. It’s a pleasure. I love sharing what I learned, and I can’t wait for them to get a hold of it.
Elana Roumell 34:48
Right. Thank you for that. I love the title. It’s called, “Am I the reason I’m not getting pregnant?” So just putting it right out there because it’s so easy for us to kind of blame ourselves. But one of the topics you talk about is just I like this, you call it “Wrong turn down fertility fast track.” So taking the wrong turn to the fast track. What do you mean by this? What do you see in some of your clients that you work with in this regard?
Roseanne Austin 35:11
Well, so one of the things that became really clear to me in retrospect is like so many of us that, you know, we’re we’re professionals, and we’re busy, and we’re just trying to get through the day that when my fertility became an issue, I was just looking for a solution, I was just focused on a solution and not a very intelligent one. I was just saying, “Look, I need something to just get this baby.” And so in my mind, I was like, okay, you know, I hadn’t had any, like, thorough testing or anything other than, you know, I was 36/37 ish. And I was in good health. And I, my husband and I were trying for six months, and I wasn’t pregnant. And so I immediately said, “Okay, what is the fastest thing I can throw at this problem?” Right? And so I just went to IVF clinic. I just, you know, I didn’t bother to do any, you know, any of the standard testing. I didn’t do anything I just said, “Give me some IVF, give me some IVF!” you know, and when I went, it was interesting to me because… I call it a wrong turn because I wasn’t looking at it intelligently. I wasn’t asking the right questions. I wasn’t asking the smart questions like, “Hey, what do I really need right now? What’s the right thing for me?” I just went for what I thought were the big guns because I didn’t want to mess around. I just wanted my baby and I went to a practitioner and that person didn’t pump the brakes either just said, “Oh, okay. You want IVF, you got the money. Okay, you got it.” Like it was very transactional in that way. So it really was a wrong turn down the fertility fast track that ended up me crashing because it wasn’t, it wasn’t even a reflection of what I truly valued. It was just, you know, “Wham, bam, Thank you, ma’am.” And it doesn’t surprise me that that cycle failed. And because I hadn’t stopped to evaluate, “Hey, you know, or maybe there’s some lifestyle things that I could look at, you know, I was a prosecutor at the time trying life cases of sexual predators. You know, so I didn’t look at my stress, I didn’t look at anything, I was simply looking at medicine, to solve my problems, rather than being a partner with medicine, and being an active participant.
Elana Roumell 37:46
Great, thank you for sharing that and being so you know, vulnerable in that. I mean, do you still own it, which I love. You know, I think so many of us at times, when we want something, especially us type A personalities, we just attack it, it’s like you wanted that, you know, it was actually very masculine of you, you know, you were like, “Nothing stopping me, I’m going right to it.” And that actually didn’t honor your journey that you needed to go through, or the lessons perhaps that, you know, you needed to learn. And so thanks, I like how you shared that, because I think we do have a lot of options when it comes to infertility treatment, like a lot, which could feel very overwhelming. And oftentimes, we just haven’t found the thing that’s working for us. And that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s a wrong thing. It just means, “Hey, let’s maybe reassess the path that we just took and veer off somewhere else, because it’s clearly not working.”
Roseanne Austin 38:37
Right, right. And I think you bring up an incredible point is I was absolutely in my masculine, like, I was trying to have a baby like a man. Does that make any sense? Like, you know, I was trying to get pregnant like a man. And, and it was like, and this is actually something that I speak with a lot with my clients. And look, I you know, I am not the beacon of femininity, like I, you know, I have deep respect for my feminine energy. And, you know, part of my own personal evolution was learning to marshal the masculine and the feminine within me, but I wasn’t taking the time to, to really build my connection with my femininity, and, you know, it’s a function of who I am naturally, but it was also a function of the work that I did, because there’s no crying in prosecution. You know, you can’t, you cannot let that shield come down. And I was after, you know, nearly a decade as a prosecutor, I was really good at holding up that 2000 pound shield of my masculinity. And you know, that it just completely was the way that I went about my my fertility journey. And so I really appreciate you pointing to that, because it is a critical distinction that those of us who are super driven, you know, super goal oriented, that that’s a beautiful thing. And we got to remember to bring the feminine entity to the picture.
Elana Roumell 40:01
Great, I couldn’t agree with you more on that I we can have a whole episode just on that topic. I’m really interested in that I’m passionate about it, mostly because I also can default into a masculine way simply because I love producing and I love creating and executing and goals. And I think just as a type A personality, we just naturally thrive off that. And it doesn’t serve us in all aspects of our life. So I’ve really honed in on that for myself, as well. And I think it’s great that you were able to really see that. So yeah, again, another whole episode we can have on it. But I do want to talk about another term that you you bring up in your book, and I really liked it, I thought it was interesting. You call it “fertility psychosis.” And I kind of have an idea of the flavor that you’re talking about. But maybe you can help us understand a little bit what that means. And then also just how do we avoid this because it is so easy to get so, so wrapped up in all of this. So please share some wisdom here that we can take away from.
Roseanne Austin 41:00
Absolutely. And so this notion of fertility, psychosis was just, it was me being in an absolute state of lack and scarcity. I was just… I saw the problem. And I didn’t know how to fix it. So I was doing everything. And there was no lotion or potion or notion that somebody couldn’t toss my way that I didn’t just immediately seize and run with, like I everything about the way that I lived my life for so many years was through the lens of getting pregnant. It absolutely stripped me of my objectivity. It completely, you know, I mean, I have the most patient and loving, supportive husband in the world. And I you know, when I think back to the the way that we lived for so many years, it depleted our, our relationship, like we never got completely off the rails, but there were times when I was looking at him, just you know, as a means to an end. And, you know, It breaks my heart when I think about, you know, the just the absenteeism that I had in that relationship because I was so in a state of fertility psychosis that every you know, I was living in two week increments. Dr. Elana, like, everything was about me getting pregnant, was it going to be this month? Was it going to be this cycle? Do I have enough of this supplement? You know, what YouTube video should I be watching? You know, what experts should I be hiring now, like, it was just everything 100% was through the lens of getting pregnant, such to the point where my connection to what was real in my relationship, my relationship with myself, I had disconnected from my friends, like, it was so isolating that it really did feel like a sense of psychosis that I was no longer the vibrant, spunky, fun, loving, you know, on fire Roseanne, that inhabits this meek suit, you know, like it was just, it was just very different. And it was a very…, it was a time when I was not in my power,
Elana Roumell 43:14
I bet and it’s hard to be in it, but thank God you’re out of it, now look back, and be able to learn from it. But when you’re in it, it really doesn’t feel like you could get out of it. And I just really want to acknowledge the listeners who are listening who are really in it right now. Because I’ve treated so many patients in this way. And I can really feel for these women like my heart does go out to you because it is painful. And it’s the patients and the in the end the feeling of like that period coming every month. And you know, having to count those days and living in the two weeks cycles. It’s just so burdensome and overwhelming. I mean, it really just takes over everything. And so I don’t want to discredit that just because we’re kind of you using this as like a more of a, we’re trying to shift more of a positive and optimistic viewpoint on this. But there is something so real about just being so in it. And I think anything that comes out of this episode is mostly that there are resources in there people to really support you get through it, and that this is a season, and this is a difficult season and the season will end and you will be stronger from it and you will have what you want in the end, whether that is baby or no baby, whatever it is, will get very clear, you know, with whatever you need, you’ll get because that’s what you’re most committed to is, again, what you go back to is the me part of it. And that’s what you have to keep on at your center. So I really love that. One thing I think that we can all probably attest to whether you’re having fertility issues, or just trying for a baby is that sex actually really changes, you know, and our relationship with sex is it tends to be more of a duty and like something that well, it’s all right, I’m ovulating and we got to do it. “Let’s go!” like, and I just wanted to know if you can perhaps speak a little bit on this, or if you do give advice to some couples around this topic, who are maybe just focusing too much on sex and how that could potentially interfere with sex, successful outcomes.
Roseanne Austin 45:22
Right, right. Well, and so there are the biological realities of procreation, right? I mean, there there is that there are those realities and, and sometimes for a period of time, it may be that way. But the problem is, is when it becomes your new normal, that’s where things really threaten to go off into a ditch. And, you know, I see, you know, this comes up a lot, you know, where, you know, what a client will say, “You know, my husband just kind of looks at me and expects that, you know, a certain time a month, and he’ll finally get lucky.” And, you know, we laugh together about that. But on the inside, that’s actually not so funny, because it really kind of speaks to what I was touching on with when I was talking about my relationship with my husband is things became so wrote, and what was once an expression of our love for each other, and our connection, and it really felt like it was more of a means to an end. And it’s not good for either one of us. And it also I think, sometimes disconnects us from the fact that we are a family now. And so that the sex piece of it is just an expression of that. And yes, you know, you’re going to have timing, you know, is an element when you have the goal of getting pregnant, but to not let that go, you know, for the rest of the month. Right? Just to continue to focus on the fact that you are a family now, and maybe let your physical expression of that be part of it. And a reminder, how much love there is in the world because, you know, it’s funny, one of the …And trust me, Dr. Elana, like if you had talked to me 10 years ago, I would not be talking about expressions of love and you know, universe and all this other stuff, because I was so in my masculine. So in my “Just get me pregnant. I don’t need any of the spiritual crap,” you know? But the reality is, is that one of the things I teach my clients is that, look, you and I both know that there’s more to the miracle of life than a sperm and egg coming together. This is a life I mean, know, everyone who has ever held a newborn baby knows that is a miracle. It’s not science. You know, science may play a role for some people. But this is truly an expression of something bigger than us. Your baby is out there. And if you open your heart, and you consistently send the message that this is a happy home, Mom and Dad, love you. We haven’t met you yet. But we love you and we love each other. And this is this is going to be a great home for you. Like what do you have to lose sending that out into the universe? And to this baby? Like why not? Why not be happy? Why not have sex for the point of just, you know, having sex with somebody that you love? Like, what better invitation is there to this baby?
Elana Roumell 48:19
At so sweet. I love that. This makes me so happy. That’s great. This definitely brings my femininity out. That’s for sure. I love it. It’s just so sweet. So before we wrap up, because I already see we’re getting so deep into time. I mean, I could talk to you for hours. So this is fun for me. I do want to touch on some of our community questions. I mean, the sex part was actually a community question. I should have mentioned that. But one of the questions and I really appreciated this was, you know, this mom experienced a miscarriage and she was able to get pregnant again. She’s six weeks into her pregnancy, but she says “How can I feel confident this baby will make it?” You know, she’s bringing a lot of fear now into this, this new pregnancy? And so what would you What would your advice be for someone like her?
Roseanne Austin 49:05
For somebody like her, I would encourage her to focus on the love and focus on the love and the drive that she has to be a mom, separate of this baby, focus on her love that she is going to be available for this child, whether it’s this time or the next. And it really is, by connecting to your WHYY by connecting to the truth that “Look, I am meant to be a mother, I’m going to love my baby when my baby decides to get here.” It makes the timing, you know, irrelevant. And it takes some of the pressure off because it’s not about you. It’s about this baby. It’s about this baby being healthy, and this baby coming in the time that they know is right. Trust herself and trust this baby. I mean that those are those are the words of advice that I would give her is to focus on that.
Elana Roumell 49:59
Yeah, I love that. And really to do your best not to bring a past experience into this current experience. Because there really are isolated events. And not it’s not serving anyone, you mom or baby for that matter. So I think that’s great. And then how moms support friends who are struggling with infertility. So as an example, you know, I’m pregnant right now. And I was almost like, hesitant to even share that on today’s episode because I didn’t want to saddened somebody and I was like, but that’s my you know, that’s how should I assume that someone would be sad just because I’m pregnant and not them? Or, you know, I want people to be able to share with their friends that have infertility struggles, without feeling like that they’re making it worse, but so how can we just best still live our lives and really support our friends the best that we can? This is a great community question.
Roseanne Austin 50:53
Absolutely, absolutely. Because there’s a lot of conflict, you know, that people feel and but the reality is, is that it’s not our job to presume what someone can or cannot take. And the best thing you know, the best default is communicate, communicate, let somebody know, if you know that they’re struggling, and you are pregnant, and, you know, share that with them be an inspiration. And you know, sharing it with them from a loving place is not the same thing as “Woohoo!” , you know, it’s not intended to make them feel left out. It’s, you know, if you share it from a loving place, it’s like this is inspiration there, there’s no limit on the number of babies that can be born there is if you desire to be a mom, you will find your baby, one way or another. And you know, and just love on that person and communicate with them. Ask them how you can support them. And let them know that you know, you understand if they if they need to pull away from you for a little bit, you’re not going to take it personally, that you honor your truth because you’re not going to hide the fact that you’re pregnant, but you also honor their experience. And those things are not mutually exclusive. The two of you can coexist, and you can find a way to still be friends to still love each other. Because the reality is, is even when I was in the darkest places, I wasn’t you know, and even when I was hurting so bad. And there were days that I was just straight up jealous I own that I mean that I was in a dark place. But the reality was in the darkest reaches of my heart, I was happy for people that got pregnant. And and when I got over making it mean that it meant that there wasn’t going to be a baby for me when I said, “Hey, this is actually inspiration”, and I started looking at other people’s pregnancies as evidence of my possibilities, everything changes. So I think that that could be one way of them looking at it.
Elana Roumell 52:50
I really like that. And I think it kind of goes back to what do you need, because we can’t necessarily care, we can’t. What’s the word? Kind of generally state that for all women who are struggling with infertility, this is what you could do as a friend, because friend one could need this while friend two can need this. And maybe friend one needs that community and they want to hear all the stories where this friend two just really needs some time and space. So I would even encourage a mom to really ask that mom what she needs, how can I best support you and not bring a lot of sorrow or sympathy around it? You know? Because I don’t know if people necessarily want that either like, “Oh, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. It’s like, this must be painful. Tell me about it,” you know? or “How can I support you with this? Or do you need space? Do you not need space? Do you need me…” you know, all of this stuff, because this is their journey, and everyone has a journey for some reason or another to find whatever they need to in life?
Roseanne Austin 53:50
Elana Roumell 53:51
I just think honoring that is going to be a very important piece of it. And so I like how you said that is just, you know, really tune into what they need. And it’s okay. They’re mutually exclusive. You can have your experience and they have their experience if they could be part of your experience. Okay, if they can’t be then that’s okay, too, temporarily. So did that’s really wise. All right. Well, can you please tell us a little bit about how people can find out more about you and what services and offerings that you have in case people just want to continue to learn more from you, Roseanne?
Roseanne Austin 54:21
Oh, yes, absolutely. And thank you so people can check me out at my website, which is www.frommaybetobaby.com. And you can also find me on Instagram @Roseanne Austin fertility on Instagram. And I also have a podcast which is the Fearlessly Fertile podcast.
Elana Roumell 54:42
Oh, wonderful. I can’t wait to share those resources with my patients. And you know, with friends and family, whoever’s, like, in need of this kind of stuff. But you’re a very inspirational woman. And I’m so excited to have connected with you know, just the fact that you’ve completely changed your career to dive into this means a lot know, that did not take, you know, it wasn’t a quick process to become a prosecutor and what you’ve done. And so you clearly are just so passionate and driven by this. So thank you for your service to so many women, and for being a guest and taking the time on this show. This was a really fun time for me. And I hope that you enjoyed it as well.
Roseanne Austin 55:17
Oh, I absolutely did. Dr. Elana and thank you for what you are doing in the world because I know that somebody like you and somebody with a kind of drive and somebody with the the super high vibe about you. I mean, what a gift to women that are on this journey and who are really wanting to become empowered in their health. So thank you for what you do.
Elana Roumell 55:38
Well, thank you so sweet. Oh, you have a great day. Okay, you too. Take care. Thank you. Bye. Bye. We hope you enjoyed today’s episode with Roseanne. I know I feel so much more energized just listening to her and hearing some of her wisdom and her personal story. Really hope that this inspires some of you moms who are struggling with some infertility or just have friends that are struggling. You know, we can always shine a light on some of these struggles and turn them into where we can find our gifts. And Roseanne’s story, as I said has been such a gift for her. And we’re so happy to be able to share her with you guys in this episode. Stay tuned for our recap next week. So where Stephanie and I go ahead and take a deep dive into some of the takeaways that we got from this show. And we want to thank our partner, Rasa. If you want to give it a shot we have a special deal for you simply head over to “we are rasa. com,” use code and use code Whole Mama’s for 20% off. If you enjoyed this episode, please help us out by sharing our podcast with your mama friends, and writing us a review on iTunes. Let us know what you enjoyed about this episode and help us grow our village. You can also visit our website at wholemamas club. com forward slash podcast to review show notes, find past episodes and leave comments and questions for future shows. Please remember that the views and ideas presented on this podcast for informational purposes only all information content material presented not intended to serve as a substitute for the consultation diagnosis and or medical treatment of a qualified physician or health care provider. Consult your provider before starting any diet supplement regimen or determine the appropriateness of the information shared on this podcast. Or if you have any questions regarding pediatrics, pregnancy or your prenatal treatment plan. Now go on Have a good day and nourish and nurture yourself and your family.
- How mindset plays a huge role in fertility
- Common causes of infertility and how a coach can help
- Personal stories of “fertility psychosis” and what this can do to women and relationships
- Key tools to help transform someone’s mindset in order to make their miracle baby
- How to keep sex fun during infertility struggles
- Healing from miscarriage and feeling confident with your next pregnancy
- Supporting friends who struggle with infertility
- Roseanne’s website: From Maybe to Baby
- Rosanne’s free book: Am I the Reason I Am Not Getting Pregnant?
- Follow Rosanne on Instagram
- Learn more about Whole Mamas Pregnancy Program
- Sign up for our Weekly Pregnancy Emails
- Take the Free Mini-Course at Dr. Elana’s Med School For Moms
- Schedule an appointment with Dr. Elana
- Follow Steph and Elana on Instagram
- Whole Mamas Podcast Archive
This episode's guest
Rosanne Austin, JD, PCC, received her coaching training from Coaches Training Institute, in San Rafael, California. She is certified by and a member of the International Coach Federation, which is the leader in professional training, standards, and ethics for coaching professionals. Rosanne is also a proud member of California State Bar. Rosanne received her Juris Doctorate from University of the Pacific, McGeorge School of Law, where she was on the Dean’s List and received the Witkin Award in Expert and Scientific Evidence. She also holds a Bachelor of Arts in History from San Francisco State University, graduating Summa Cum Laude.
Rosanne’s professional background has given her the honor and opportunity to directly impact thousands of people’s lives, at a time when they were vulnerable, fearful, heartbroken, and at a crossroads. Rosanne is also a featured blogger on fertilityauthority.com, Circle + Bloom, Heartfelt Egg Donation, and can be heard on the Fertility Revolution Podcast, as well as her own podcast, The Love Your Journey Podcast. Rosanne gives back by serving organizations committed to providing resources to survivors of sexual assault and human trafficking, as well as her local Humane Society for the Protection of Animals.