Dear Melissa,

My son and wife have started your program with great results, and I am happy for them. But recently they decided our grandkids (ages 13, 12, and 4) should be on (the Whole30) too. Not one of these children are overweight in any area; they are all tall and slim.

I am really worried about (the Whole30) hurting them at their ages—for sure the 4-year-old. Not letting them eat a bag of chips or cookies every day makes sense, but I got yelled at for giving them two Oreos after swimming in my pool all day. I really don’t remember my son saying (the kids) were on this diet too, but I probably would have given it to them anyway! Please advise, I am worried. –Carolyn, Milton FL 

Dear Carolyn,

Thanks so much for writing with your concerns. I’ll do my best to help you understand a bit more about our program, and give you my best advice for talking to your son and daughter-in-law about their decision. There are a few moving parts here, so I’ll take them one at a time.

Are you on the other side of the equation? Click to read tips for helping your parents or in-laws to understand your choices.

Why Parents Put their Kids on the Whole30

First, it’s important that you understand that the Whole30 is not a weight loss diet. Your son and daughter-in-law may have begun the program overweight (I don’t know if this is true),  but if you asked them why they took the program on, I’m certain you’ll hear they were hoping to have more energy, reduce cravings, sleep better, improve digestion, reduce aches and pains, and achieve any number of health benefits offered by the program.

Action item: Ask your son and daughter-in-law why they decided to do the Whole30, and the life-changing results they experienced. You may be surprised by the benefits you can’t see!

Parents also put their children on the Whole30 for many reasons, but in most cases, they use the program to identify food sensitivities—foods that are having a negative impact on their kids’ health. (The Whole30 is, in part, an elimination diet.) These food sensitivities and their resulting health effects can manifest in children in any number of ways, including:

  • Behavioral issues (attention deficit, tantrums, hyperactivity, anxiety, aggressiveness, etc.)
  • Digestive issues (stomach aches, constipation, diarrhea, gas, bloating, spitting up, etc.)
  • Sleep issues (trouble falling asleep/staying asleep/waking easily, restless sleep, fatigue)
  • Specific health issues (asthma, allergies, eczema, acne, rashes, migraines, etc.)
  • General health issues (trouble gaining weight, chronic colds or ear infections, etc.)

As your grandkids aren’t overweight, I seriously doubt weight loss was any consideration whatsoever in the decision to put their kids on the Whole30, but it would be really helpful for you to hear for yourself what those considerations were.

Action item: Ask your son and daughter-in-law what they hope to see by putting their kids on the Whole30, and what health or behavioral issues they may be dealing with outside of your observation.

You may not be aware of all of the concerns your son and daughter-in-law may have for your grandchildren’s health, but it’s likely that their Whole30 results are prompting them to apply the same framework to dramatically improve their kids’ lives.

The Safety of the Whole30 Program

Once you better understand their motivations for putting their kids on the Whole30, you can then rest assured that the Whole30 is a nutrient-dense plan. It will provide your grandkids with all of the calories, macronutrition, and micronutrition they need to thrive.

Of course, we are not doctors, and we always recommend that people consult their health care provider before making any dietary switch. That having been said, we (and the hundreds of doctors and Registered Dietitians who use our program with their patients) would be hard-pressed to find fault with a 30-day diet that consisted of nothing but nutrient-dense, whole, real foods, including lots and lots of vegetables!  Plus, the kids eat as much healthy food as they want, as often as they need to, as we don’t restrict calories like a traditional  “diet.”

In fact, we’ve done several micronutrient comparisons (the first in It Starts With Food, the second still under review by our panel of experts), and find that the Whole30 program actually provides even more vitamins and minerals than even a “healthy” diet based on whole grains and low-fat dairy, across nearly every micronutrient category, while providing far less sodium, added sugar, and “empty calories.”

But even if you’re still concerned, remember that our program is only 30 days—a scientific experiment designed to help people figure out how the food they’ve been eating is actually affecting their health. Your grandkids are free to go back to eating cereal or drinking milk after the Whole30 is over… if they discover through the program that these foods have no adverse effects on their health.*

Action item: Talk to your son and daughter-in-law about the kids’ meals and snacks. Ask for examples of what they’ve been eating, or review some recipes they’ve been using for mealtime. See for yourself that they’re being very well fed on the Whole30!

*And if they do discover a link between some of these foods and health or behavioral issues, as a caring grandmother who only wants what is best for her grandkids, wouldn’t you want them to continue to avoid these problematic foods?

Respecting the Whole30 Decision

Finally, it’s time for a little tough love, for which we (the Whole30 and I) are famous. Your son and daughter-in-law are responsible for their children, and as such, get to set the rules for their kids. And in your role as grandparents, it is your duty to respect those rules, even if you disagree.

I know your initial question referenced concern for your grandkids’ health. If you follow all of the action items above, those concerns should be largely, if not completely, put to rest. Which begs the question, why would you go against their parents’ wishes and feed them food which may interfere with this 30-day experiment? An experiment that your son and daughter-in-law feel is so important for their kids’ health that they are going through considerable time and effort to carry out the Whole30 as a family?

If your son and daughter-in-law advise you that their children are doing the Whole30 and provide you with very specific parameters of what they can and cannot have during this time period, it is your obligation as good parents and grandparents to respect their decision. Period.

Read more answers to commonly asked questions about kids + a Whole30-inspired diet from Whole30 Coach Autumn Michaelis.

This means no Oreos. Not even if your grandkids ask for them.  Not even if you feel the need to show them love by feeding them treats. (That’s your issue, not theirs.) Not even if you think the Whole30 is silly, and kids should just be kids, and your son and daughter-in-law are depriving them of a normal childhood. No. Oreos.

Action item: Ask your son and daughter-in-law for specific details of what the kids can and cannot eat while on the Whole30. Brainstorm compliant snack and meal ideas while the kids are in your care. Reassure them that you know this is important to them, which makes it important to you, which means you will respect their decision. And follow through with your commitment, so your grandkids don’t think they can play their parents and grandparents against each other.

While your first impression of the Whole30 may not have been overwhelmingly positive, the program can actually bring families closer together. By supporting your son and daughter-in-law; opening up productive, authentic conversations; and showing your grandkids love by helping them get healthier from the inside out, you’ll observe firsthand the benefits of the Whole30 that go far beyond weight loss.

I wish you and your family the best in health,

Melissa Hartwig Urban is a Certified Sports Nutritionist, and the author of the New York Times bestselling books It Starts With Food and The Whole30: The 30-Day Guide to Total Health and Food Freedom; and the upcoming Food Freedom Forever. She has been featured in the Wall Street Journal, Details, Outside, SELF, and Shape as the co-founder of the Whole30 program. Melissa lives in Salt Lake City, UT.

Photo credit: Marie Carmel Photography